what can i say

thatisrad:

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum.

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

Photo

Mon, 21 May 2018 14:58:25 -0400

soft-stims: soft-stims: Anyone else remember that Canadian reality TV show where two contestants...

Sun, 20 May 2018 08:51:26 -0400

soft-stims:

soft-stims:

Anyone else remember that Canadian reality TV show where two contestants with zero experience get left in the wilderness and have to get out while that cowboy tracked them down on his horse ? And the contestants had to outrun and hide and they’d see him galloping over in the distance and they’d just get so scared and start sprinting into the bushes but they would always tumble down a hill or something and hurt they’re legs and the cowboy would catch up and lasso them??

I wasn’t kidding

eenymeenyminymutte: squeeful: shieldposts: marisatomay: jedihighcouncil: marisatomay: fellas...

Sun, 13 May 2018 10:57:16 -0400

eenymeenyminymutte:

squeeful:

shieldposts:

marisatomay:

jedihighcouncil:

marisatomay:

fellas what is it about thor that when I look at him I think “lesbian icon”

its the fact that he’s a lesbian icon

Thor: can I buy you a drink?

Lesbian : actually I like girls

Thor: Wonderful! I like them as well. Would you like to join me in buying drinks for beautiful women?

Thor looks like he gives great hugs and will let you cry on him when your girlfriend leaves you and then sets you up with an Asgardian hottie who treats you like a Faberge egg.

I expect nothing less from a man who wanted to be a Valkyrie

jump-n-shootman: pikeisaman: This was top tier comedy in middle...

Fri, 27 Apr 2018 17:08:02 -0400

jump-n-shootman:

pikeisaman:

This was top tier comedy in middle school let me tell you

this is still top tier comedy today

i-mister-completely: coleyyoung: growlift: kingcuniculus: la...

Tue, 24 Apr 2018 03:43:57 -0400

i-mister-completely:

coleyyoung:

growlift:

kingcuniculus:

last-bi-in-town:

ghettablasta:

swagintherain:

White privilege can also be hard…

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO I’VE EVER SEEN

Dear God….

I am fucking dying omg

I’m the second “Berkley” yell

Oh my fucking god

Always reblog.

aptxx4869: my traumatized ass: do I have a crush or am I just idolizing this person for being...

Wed, 11 Apr 2018 19:05:48 -0400

aptxx4869:

my traumatized ass: do I have a crush or am I just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me

trinityxholland: i’m dying that robert downey jr posted this on...

Mon, 09 Apr 2018 06:02:20 -0400

trinityxholland:

i’m dying that robert downey jr posted this on his official facebook 😂😂😂

credit: hisduckling on youtube

natural–blues: nickey79: peetaspikelets: wendywobbles: obsess...

Sun, 08 Apr 2018 19:06:51 -0400

natural–blues:

nickey79:

peetaspikelets:

wendywobbles:

obsessivereaderandwriter:

ohnoitsthebat:

obsessivereaderandwriter:

macrolit:

levana-reblogs:

trinsghost:

papi-chulo-bucky:

moondancewrites:

waywardkitten:

walktalkwrite:

hellter-skeleton:

dauntlessdiva:

kissmebluesexyvioletsme:

seeyouintee:

microkiller66:

atearsarahjane:

thewintersoulja:

frappemako:

the-one-inside:

someottersmarryhedgehogs:

noiselesspatientspider:

iheartuniversecookies:

angelas-extrasandstuff:

I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this.

….

Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.

Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.

Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.

As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”

Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.

“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”

At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.

Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.

Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.

Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!

The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.

She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”

But her bed was empty.

Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

….

DICK

ANEURYSM

GALLOPING ABS

Who told this lady she could write?

Why did she ever stop?

IT GETS WORSE THE FURTHER IN THE PASSAGE YOU GO OMG

i fukcing lost it at meat wand

‘entered her like she was a lottery’ 😂

mikaatqueen
IT’S BAAAAAACK!

Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s.

oh my god. Im still laughing as I type Web this. I guarantee I will still be laughing after I post this.

She felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment 😂😂😂

Wait, but

“Her snooch got all warm, too”

“the soft pink petals of her clunge”

WHAT??? WHY???

I made my husband read this aloud to me with voices and now my ribs are bruised from laughing.

“Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection”

Is he-? Is he dryhumping her to get her to move, like some perverted sheepdog from hell?

[In the subway morning traffic, gyrating my hips as if rocking an invisible hula hoop]

-Move please!

This is so inspirational.

DICK ATTACK!!

Omg…remember this? 🤪

@southernblossoms @melek90 @xturtletrashx @levana-reblogs @dashtumbles

ASDHFHDJDJGKGFK!!!!! I REMEMBER THIS!!!!

Oh Lord. What did I just read???

*pops out his eyes ala Oedipus*

*another reason macrolit concentrates on classics*

…And I thought *my* writing was bad!

ENGORGED PECKER 😂😂 BUTTERMILK BOSOMS. I am in tears.

She’s gotta have some really weird proportions if her breasts are against his abs, but his dick is against her thighs…

What did I just read….😂😂😂😂

my reaction the whole time reading

OKAY but how are you not also posting the dramatic reading?!

Photo

Fri, 06 Apr 2018 10:25:39 -0400

Photo

Wed, 04 Apr 2018 19:00:45 -0400

itsstuckyinmyhead: School and Tumblr

Wed, 04 Apr 2018 18:54:58 -0400

itsstuckyinmyhead:

School and Tumblr

boobs-and-blondes: are cute dates and rough sex too much to ask for

Wed, 04 Apr 2018 18:20:11 -0400

boobs-and-blondes:

are cute dates and rough sex too much to ask for

Photo

Sat, 03 Feb 2018 08:57:35 -0500

caseyanthonyofficial: When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage

Thu, 01 Feb 2018 09:06:44 -0500

caseyanthonyofficial:

When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage